UNEMPLOYED?

A musing on the nature of unemployment... it has been around 6 weeks since I did any paid work. I made a claim for Jobseeker's Allowance as soon as I became unemployed, but at my preliminary interview it was clear that my claim would probably be disallowed unless I got a sicknote from my doctor, which I duly did. This resulted in my claim being transferred to one for E.S.A (Employment and Support Allowance) which is a revamped version of Incapacity Benefit. I'm not entirely comfortable with claiming benefit, but my doctor is happy to provide me with sicknotes while we explore what might or might not be wrong with me. I certainly don't like telling people I am unemployed, it is not a status which sits happily with me. While unemployed I am far from idle - my voluntary work with Sustrans continues apace; if anything, with renewed vigour. My church work continues also, though somewhat slower.

When one is employed, there is a sense of belonging, and a sense of status and self-worth which is absent among the unemployed. All you belong to is the dole queue.

I "belong" to the fellowship of my Church. I "belong" to the Sustrans Movement. I "belong" to a Bible Study Group. I "belong" to God.

I do a lot of things, so why then do I feel a sense of shame?

My health conditions do prevent me from working full-time. I can no longer call myself a "writer" or a "poet", having had impenetrable writer's block for over 5 years.

I cannot remember the last time I painted anything. Really.

I don't like to admit that my health is a barrier. I can, with a great deal of preparation and effort, cycle around 60 miles in a single stretch, more than many people can do. I'm usually ill for a while afterwards, but it seems worth the sacrifice at the time, it's a good feeling, especially when done with good friends.